From Virus Alert! (Sep23 21:09)
| Ellen Degeneres Virus | Your IBM suddenly claims it's a Mac. |
| Monica Lewinsky Virus | Sucks all the memory out of you computer. |
| Titanic Virus | Makes your whole computer go down. |
| Disney Virus | Everything in the computer goes Goofy. |
| Mike Tyson Virus | Quits after one byte. |
| Prozac Virus | Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn't care. |
| Sharon Stone Virus | Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's there. |
| Lorena Bobbit Virus | Turns your hard disk into a 3.5" floppy. |
| Tim Allen Virus | Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact. |
| Woody Allen Virus | Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card. |
| Saddam Hussein Virus | Won't let you into any of your programs. |
| Tonya Harding Virus | Turns your .BAT files into lethal weapons. |
| George Michael Virus | Runs its course, occasionally releasing excess data buildup. |
| Joey Buttafuoco Virus | Only attacks minor files. |
| X-Files Virus | All your Icons start shape shifting. |
| Spice Girl Virus | Has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop. |
| Ronald Reagan Virus | Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored. |
| Dr.Jack Kevorkian Virus | Searches your hard drive for old files then deletes them. |
| Sonny Bono Virus | Just when you get surfing the web, a firewall appears out of nowhere. |
| Martha Stewart Virus | Takes all your files, sorts them by category and folds them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your desktop. |
| Oprah Winfrey Virus | Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB. |
| AT&T Virus | Every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. |
| MCI Virus | Every 3 minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T service. |
| Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus | Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. |