Please note! The following new computer viruses have been detected. Please be alert for them when you scan your computers.
OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly
expands back to 200MB.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an
"electronic microorganism."
AT&T VIRUS
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are
getting.
MCI VIRUS
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for
the AT&T virus.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS
This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of
impending hard disk attack - once if by LAN, twice if by C:.
RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS
Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If
you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a
counsellor about possible alternatives.
BILL CLINTON VIRUS
Promises to save your disk, then once installed, does what all of
the other viruses tell it to do and ignores its installer.
GEORGE BUSH VIRUS
It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs....No new files!" on the
screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard
drive with new files.
ROSS PEROT VIRUS
Activates every component in your system, just before the whole
damn thing quits.
AL GORE VIRUS
Undistinguishable from the directory tree.
MARIO CUOMO VIRUS
It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.
TED TURNER VIRUS
Colorizes your monochrome monitor.
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS
Prevents your system from spawning any child process without
joining into a binary network.
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS:
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is
fine.
NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS
Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just
thinking about it.
GALLUP VIRUS
Sixty percent of the Pcs infected will lose 38 percent of their
data 14 percent of the time. (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of
error.)
TERRY RANDLE VIRUS
Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the
"Abort" "Retry" "Fail" message.
TEXAS VIRUS
Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS
Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS
The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message
appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
AIRLINE VIRUS
You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS
Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own
motherboard.
PBS VIRUS
Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
ELVIS VIRUS
Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs; only to
resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural
America.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS
Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
NIKE VIRUS
Just does it.
SEARS VIRUS
Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and
a set of shocks.
JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS
Your programs can never be found again.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't
allow the user to accomplish anything.
KEVORKIAN VIRUS
Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS
Sings you a song (slightly off key) on boot up, then subtracts
money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive
shoes it purchases through Prodigy.
STAR TREK VIRUS
Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
HEALTH CARE VIRUS
Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a
bill for $4,500.
CLEVELAND INDIANS VIRUS
Makes your 486/50 machine perform like a 286/AT.
CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS
Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews,
but you still love it.
ORAL ROBERTS VIRUS
Claims that if you don't send it a million dollars, it's programmer
will take it back.
Use your virus scan, don't let any of these viruses happen to your PC!