July 18 -
I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is the
best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I'd
better hold onto it incase they don't ever send me another one! I
can't connect. I don't know what is wrong.
July 19 -
Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem.
I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he
think I am?
July 22 -
I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It
wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused.
July 23 -
I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year old next
door did it for me. But it still don't work. I cant get online.
July 25 -
That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America Online for
me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he says
that's just another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and
he does these services for people. Anyway he's smarter then the
jerks who sold me the modem. They didn't even tell me about
communications software. Bet they didn't know. And why do they put
two telephone jack holes in the back of a modem when you only need
one? And why do they have one labeled phone when you are not
suppose to hook it to the phone jack on the wall? I thought the
dial tone sounded funny! Boy, are modem makers dumb! But the kid
figured it out by the sound.
July 26 -
What's the internet? I thought I was on America Online. Not this
internet thing. I'm confused.
July 27 -
The nine year old kid next door showed me how to use this America
Online stuff. I told him he must be a genius. He says that he is
compared to me. Maybe he's not so modest after all.
July 28 -
I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my computer but
nothing happened. maybe I need to buy a microphone.
July 29 -
I found this thing called usenet. I got out of it because I'm
connected to America Online not usenet.
July 30 -
These people in this usenet thing keep using capital letters. How
do they do that? I never figured out how to type capital letters.
Maybe they have a different type of keyboard.
JULY 31 -
I CALLED THE COMPUTER MAKER I BOUGHT IT FROM TO COMPLAIN ABOUT NOT
HAVING A CAPITOL LETTER KEY. THE TECH SUPPORT GUY SAID IT WAS THIS
CAPS LOCK KEY. WHY DIDN'T THEY SPELL IT OUT? I TOLD HIM I GOT A
CHEAP KEYBOARD AND WANTED A BETTER ONE. AND ONE OF MY SHIFT KEYS
ISNT THE SAME SIZE AS THE OTHER. HE SAID THATS A STANDARD. I TOLD
HIM I DIDN'T WANT A STANDARD KEYBOARD BUT ANOTHER BRAND. I MUST
HAVE HAD AN IMPORTANT COMPLAINT BECAUSE I HEARD HIM TELL THE OTHER
SUPPORT GUYS TO LISTEN IN ON OUR CONVERSATION.
AUGUST 1 -
I FOUND THIS THING CALLED THE USENET ORACLE. IT SAYS THAT IT CAN
ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS I ASK IT. I SENT IT 44 SEPARATE QUESTIONS
ABOUT THE INTERNET. I HOPE IT RESPONDS SOON.
AUGUST 2 -
I FOUND A GROUP CALLED REC.HUMOR. I DECIDED TO POST THIS JOKE ABOUT
THE CHICKEN THAT CROSSED THE ROAD. TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE! HA!
HA! I WASNT SURE I POSTED IT RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 56 MORE
TIMES.
AUGUST 3 -
I KEEP HEARING ABOUT THE WORLD WIDE WEB. I DON'T NOW SPIDERS GREW
THAT LARGE.
AUGUST 4 -
THE ORACLE RESPONDED TO MY QUESTIONS TODAY. GEEZ IT WAS RUDE. I WAS
SO ANGRY THAT I POSTED AN ANGRY MESSAGE ABOUT IT TO
REC.HUMOR.ORACLE. I WASNT SURE IF I POSTED RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 22
MORE TIMES.
AUGUST 5 -
SOMEONE TOLD ME TO READ THE FAQ. GEEZ THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO USE
PROFANITY.
AUGUST 6 -
SOMEONE ELSE TOLD ME TO STOP SHOUTING IN ALL MY MESSAGES. WHAT A
STUPID JERK. IM NOT SHOUTING! IM NOT EVEN TALKING! JUST TYPING! HOW
CAN THEY LET THESE RUDE JERKS GO ON THE INTERNET?
August 7 -
Why have a Caps Lock key if you're not suppose to use it? Its
probably an extra feature that costs more money.
August 8 -
I just read this post called make money fast. I'm so exited. I'm
going to make lots of money. I followed his instructions and posted
it to every newsgroup I could find.
August 9 -
I just made my signature file. Its only 6 pages long. I will have
to work on it some more.
August 10 -
I just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. I read a few posts
and I really believe that aol should be wiped off the face of the
earth. I wonder what an aol is.
August 11 -
I was asking where to find some information about something. Some
guy told me to check out ftp.netcom.com. I've looked and looked but
I can't find that group.
August 12 -
I sent a post to every usenet group on the Internet asking where
the ftp.netcom.com is. hopefully someone will help. I cant ask the
kid next door. His parents said that when he comes back from my
house he's laughing so hard he can't eat or sleep or do his
homework. So they wont let him come over anymore. I do have a great
sense of humor. I don't know why the rec.humor group didn't like my
chicken joke. Maybe they only like dirty stuff. Some people sent me
posts about my 56 posts of the joke and they used bad words.
August 13 -
I sent another post to every usenet group on the Internet asking
where the ftp.netcom.com is. I had forgot yesterday to include my
new signature file which is only 8 pages long. I know everyone will
want to read my favorite poem so I included it. I'm also going to
add that short story I like.
August 14 -
Some guy suspended my account because of what I was doing. I told
him I don't have an account at his bank. He's so dumb.